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krish145
Member
Joined: 24 May 2007
Posts: 2
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# Posted: 25 May 2007 07:46
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We have a 3 year old kid and we both work at home. He is very demanding and needs either of us with him all the time. As mornings we both are busy, things get out of hand. And the moment he starts crying, I get on my nerves and we end up in a fight. Things calmed down when we put him in play school, but now that he has vacation, it's back to old ways again. Any suggestions?
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Vishal
Admin
Joined: 15 Apr 2007
Posts: 92
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# Posted: 29 May 2007 07:31
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Try scheduling your work hours into short periods rather than long ones. For example, 9-10, you'll work and she'll take care of kids. 10-11, you'll be with kids and she'll handle household chores and so on. Rotating your time with kids will not only make you less cranky and irritated but even they'll enjoy the change.
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judy
Member
Joined: 26 Aug 2007
Posts: 2
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# Posted: 26 Aug 2007 16:03
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Hi Krish,
Just found this forum and thought I would add my 2 cents in. I run a busy home daycare and my own kids are 2.5 and 6.5. I am trained in early childhood but I find my education sometimes goes out the window with my own kids.
What Vishal said was a good point -if you agree to work in one hour blocks so you work 8-9 and 11-12 and your spouse does the other than you won't feel so guilty either working or spending time with him. I find from experience that getting down on the floor with them and spending 20 minutes playing trains, cars or even reading stories to them while they play will do wonders for their behaviour.
I also find that constant reminders of how much you love them and cuddles/wrestling/tickles also works to reinforce your love (as it can be very frustrating sometimes).
You begin to feel resentment that they are interrupting your life and your schedule and should not bother you and then you start feeling stressed and may lose your temper. Just make sure everyday to spend some quality time with him and tell him/show him he is loved even when you are busy and can't always spend the time with him you would like.
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judy
Member
Joined: 26 Aug 2007
Posts: 2
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# Posted: 26 Aug 2007 16:08
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Other good suggestions would be to connect with other neighbours/ school parents and run a sort of a coop during the summer. I heard of one where there were four parents so Mon-Thurs one parent would take all the kids for say 3 hours so that would leave you 3 uninterrupted mornings -one with 5 kids and one just with your son.
You could also look at hiring a mother's helper for the mornings in the summer. If you got one who could travel -either by car or by bus they could take your son out of the house for some uninterrupted time. This of course is a business expense so make sure you keep the receipts.
Hope this info helps. Even though summer is almost over.
Judy
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Vishal
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Joined: 15 Apr 2007
Posts: 92
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# Posted: 26 Aug 2007 23:48
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Quoting: judy Other good suggestions would be to connect with other neighbours/ school parents and run a sort of a coop during the summer.
This is a good suggestion especially if you have only a single kid. Parents with single kid face tough time as the kid usually expects them to be with him/her all the time.
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Izrul
Member
Joined: 21 Jan 2008
Posts: 6
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# Posted: 24 Jan 2008 10:31
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Hi krish145,
Here's what you should do...
First of all, you need to work together with your spouse in order to solve this problem. Accusing or fighting with each other will not only solve your problem but you are making it worse. Furthermore, it is unwise to let your kid sees his parents fighting.
I faced this problem before. What I did was discussed this problem further with my wife and we both have to be open minded in this situation. The most important thing is to put our ego aside.
You know what, we come to realize that our child will grow faster, going to school or college and then get marry. Sooner or later, we will miss them and blame ourself for not spending quality time with our child.
My point is that you have to cherish the time with your child. There is no better or happy time than spending it with your loved one.
Best wishes,
Izrul Fizal
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CoolNcalm
Member
Joined: 2 Apr 2008
Posts: 45
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# Posted: 2 Apr 2008 23:58
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I too have an (almost) three year old and I work from home. I have learned to cope with her just fine, at the times that I worked.
The biggest thing for us is that I keep her busy and active. From the first day that I worked at home, I have made sure she had things to do-not just toys to sit in front of. Some kids need to have interaction.
So she sits by my side when I work. She scribbles and draws, practices writing, colours, does jigsaw puzzles. And she has her own 'laptop'- a VTech tote and go that teaches all kinds of things.
Keeping your child busy in similar ways may help.
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TajviRAC
Member
Joined: 7 Apr 2008
Posts: 80
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# Posted: 9 Apr 2008 13:21
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i think we can see the problem otherwise.
you should not be worried about your stress with the kids. rather i find it alarming that your kids are missing you both despite strong requirements.
the fact tehat you can't give time to your kids should make you feel stressed.
there's no end of earning money. you can buy attractive gifts for your kid but the greatest gift that you can give to your kids is your time !
regards,
taj
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StressedOut
Member
Joined: 3 Apr 2008
Posts: 25
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# Posted: 9 Apr 2008 18:45
Reply
I agree with CoolNCalm. Give your child something to do, and have him be your little helper. Also try not to fight with your child rather try to refrain from it
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CoolNcalm
Member
Joined: 2 Apr 2008
Posts: 45
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# Posted: 9 Apr 2008 23:07
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There are so many things that you can give your kid to do to help! Really and truly at this age chores become a big self esteem booster. Giving them things that they can succeed in-like stacking laundry or matching sock pairs up are excellent. And hey you can even turn it into a lesson in counting or so on.
My daughter gets quite cross with me now if I do 'her' laundry!
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TajviRAC
Member
Joined: 7 Apr 2008
Posts: 80
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# Posted: 21 Apr 2008 06:23
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It’s a good idea to keep your child busy. But isn't it avoiding the main problem?
When you have a problem or an issue, you can either face and solve it or you can choose not to affront it and just try to avoid.
Keeping your child busy somewhere is the problem avoiding situation.
I think we should go for facing the problem and solve it out.
Thanks.
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Vishal
Admin
Joined: 15 Apr 2007
Posts: 92
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# Posted: 21 Apr 2008 09:12
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Quoting: TajviRAC Keeping your child busy somewhere is the problem avoiding situation. I think we should go for facing the problem and solve it out.
Very true. But children have little understanding and explaining things to them many not always yield positive results.
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TajviRAC
Member
Joined: 7 Apr 2008
Posts: 80
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# Posted: 30 Apr 2008 11:00
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Few days ago I saw one public awareness program advertisement. In that clip, the kid in of the family was found very much annoying, arrogant and used to throw away all the toys he had.
However, once the parents returned from job, they found that the kid was sleeping with the photograph of his parents!
The bottom line was, it’s not the toys that your kid yarns for, its YOU who he needs
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daf719
Member
Joined: 31 May 2008
Posts: 2
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# Posted: 31 May 2008 12:51
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Remember the first time you saw your first-born child? You might have been amazed at her eyes, or mesmerized by the perfection of his hands. You might have dutifully recorded the first smile, the first laughs, the first steps, the first dance. He or she became the most important individual in your life. When that little person came into your world, you knew that your life had changed forever.
There is nothing quite like the joy of parenthood. It can lift your spirits on the most miserable day. It gives you a reason to rise in the morning, and a good excuse for blowing bubbles, catching fireflies, or gazing at a fireworks display. When you give your child a hug at night, you know that all is right with the universe.
However, parenthood can also be quite stressful. There are so many demands on your time, so many commitments you need to fulfill. Your responsibilities can leave you feeling anxious and frustrated. If your child is sick, or is having trouble in school, or has become involved in drug or alcohol abuse, your stress level could rise to the max.
Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do to eliminate the stressors associated with parenthood. They simply come with the territory. While you can guide your child, you cannot expect to control him or her, particularly when your child reaches the teenage years. Therefore, you have to learn to somehow manage the stress of parenthood before it gets the better of you.
The most important strategy you can adopt is to keep the communication going between yourself and your child, even when it becomes difficult. Your stress level will be greatly reduced if you can talk with your child, especially when something is bothering him or her. It is important for your child to know that your love is unconditional, and that he or she can turn to you at any time of the day or night. Strengthening the bond of trust can do a great deal to eliminate your stress.
Another stress-reducing tact you can take is to set aside time to spend with your child-other than helping him or her with homework. This is particularly important if you have more than one child. You need some fun time with your child-to let him or her know that you care. Plan for an afternoon of rollerskating or an evening playing checkers. You'll find that such relaxing activities can help to alleviate your stress.
Also, it is important that you build into your day a break in the action. Have your husband or wife watch the children for ten minutes while you re-group. This is particularly important if you find yourself under so much stress that you are about to lose your temper. Give yourself a timeout-and watch your stress level drop considerably.
Mention needs to be made about the special stress that single parents feel. Theirs is a difficult lot and the pressures can be intense. That is why it is so critically important for single parents to strengthen their support systems. They need to have a parent, brother or sister, or friend they can rely on when the stress of parenting becomes overwhelming. Just having someone to talk to can be a tremendous stress-reliever. In other cases, a single parent might need someone to watch his or her children for the night so that the parent can re-group. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness-it is indicative of great emotional strength. If you find yourself falling apart, don't wait for a crisis to get some assistance. If you turn to others for support, you will find that your family unit will only grow stronger.
Parenting is perhaps the single greatest responsibility a person can hold. As a result, there is a tremendous amount of stress involved. Recognizing that fact is an important part of the parenting process. Once you are attuned to stress-and the causes of it-you are more likely to be able to manage it well. It is important also for you to recognize that stress management is an on-going process-that it doesn't happen overnight. However, with time, you can become a first-rate stress manager.
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