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seanna
Forums Member
Joined: 6 Apr 2009
Posts: 1
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# Posted: 6 Apr 2009 02:36
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I would like some ideas of ways couples can handle stress better when they have differing forms of stress relief. He likes to distance himself and uses humor, I like to get closer and talk a lot. I like to make clear and quick action plans to fix the stress he likes to ignore it for awhile. Any good compromises?
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Vishal
Admin
Joined: 15 Apr 2007
Posts: 148
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# Posted: 8 Apr 2009 01:08
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I believe this is fairly common situation among most couples 
While the level of compromise depends on the willingness and openness of each member, I honestly feel is that rather than trying to get the other to do what you like to do, it's better to focus and analyze your own approach and see whether it's really helping you.
Neither talking nor ignoring will actually prevent stress. Both have their own merits and demerits. While talking does help to relieve stress to some extent, it can become addictive and unless someone sympathize with you, life can become very difficult.
Ignoring too, is not the real solution. While it does provide a superficial escape, the actual situation can keep escalating until you are no longer able to handle it any more.
Apart from all these, one has to understand that any method or approach that makes you depend on somebody can never truly help you. Stress is within you and you only can release it. You have full control over it. You just have to realize that real cause of stress is your perception and your degree of attachment to a particular situation. The more you are attached to something, the more is it likely to cause stress in you.
Let me give you an example to this. A surgeon operates on many people everyday. He carries out his duties without getting attached as such to any particular patient. However, what if he were to operate on his daughter or son or spouse? There is every possibility that he'll get stressed and attached to the outcome. If such is the case, do you think he'll be able to perform his surgery with same precision and finesse as before?
I believe you are getting what I'm trying to convey.
You might come across many techniques to relieve stress, but from spiritual perspective, there is only one way out - Detachment. And the example above should give you an idea of what detachment is. It is not ignoring.
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nidhisharma
Forums Member
Joined: 1 Jul 2009
Posts: 3
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# Posted: 1 Jul 2009 08:30
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I feel it has to be mix of both and you both have to understandthe situation. He moves because he doesn't wants any kind of discussion on the topic may be he needs time to think and you need to talk not just to talk but to feel the warmth between 2 of you so, sit together close to eachother but don't talk at that point of time wait for sometime either he will resolve it or talk to you himself. give him some space and time initially u do it once or twice, it will work out.
And i personally feel whatever u do u know whether its wrong or right the only thing is that u refuse to accept it out of ur ego. you compromise once but tell ur partner ur partner once the crises are over your viewpoint, ur comfort level and understanding will increase.
That's my view and experience, may be others might feel other ways
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Stress Buster
Forums Member
Joined: 11 Jul 2009
Posts: 4
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# Posted: 11 Jul 2009 19:04
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It's difficult but you should find common ground.
Explain to him how you need his support and by doing so, you can support him.
I have used self help methods in the past and think you both could benefit as you can do this as a couple or individually.
Hope this helps and good luck
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