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TouSSerts
Forums Member
Joined: 29 May 2011
Posts: 2
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#1 · Posted: 29 May 2011 23:36
Hi all,
I have been searching online for quite some time until i stumble upon this forum. I am not sure if i am stressed or just paranoid... and i m not sure who talk to about it. I have talked to a friend before this and he just dismisses me by saying "dude, you think too much."
The thing is that I tried "not to think" but as I try not to think I end up thinking more and it stresses me out. I am plagued with worries... I worry that something bad will happen if I am not prepared for it. And the outcome is that I am paranoid because of it.
I have just moved to a townhouse and the developer did a shoddy job on building the place. It is riddled with problems like leaky roof and poor piping. And there's nothing that I can do but fix it using my own money because the developer is close to bankruptcy. On top of it, i have a very shady downstairs neighbor who doesn't seem to have a "legal" employment and are always at home. All these uncertainty stresses me out and it is getting in the way of my life. I get irritated easily and often I go into a frenzy that leaves me feeling depressed.
Should I seek out medical help? I am not sure. There's no one that I can talk to who understands what I am going through..
What should i do? I tried a lot of methods like breathing exercise and doing something leisure when i have free time but the worries always seems to creep up on me.
Any advice would be much appreciated. Thanks.
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Vishal
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Joined: 15 Apr 2007
Posts: 193
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#2 · Posted: 30 May 2011 01:44 · Edited by: Vishal
Hi Tony,
TouSSerts: I am plagued with worries... I worry that something bad will happen if I am not prepared for it. And the outcome is that I am paranoid because of it.
No matter how hard you try to stop the inevitable, it is destined to happen. Everything thing in this world is happening. We have a wrong idea that we make it happen. Trees grow by itself, river flows by itself, rain comes by itself. We are just puppets in the hands of creation. Please let it be that way. The creator made this creation for us to be happy. However, we think we can control everything around us and hence the misery. Just let everything be as it is. Nothing is permanent. Everything is changing. The house you bought today will fall in the next 50 yrs. So don't fret over it.
If still this doesn't calm you down, try changing your house. Which is more important, your peace of mind or your house. However, I must tell you that, even if you shift to another house, there is no guarantee that it'll be free of problems. And even if there are no problems, I can guarantee that your mind will try to find problems.
To change everything, just change your attitude. Don't try to hold on to things. Just let go. Let nature take it's own course. Try seeing the good things in your life. Feel gratitude for them. I know it's easier said than done, but this is how it is. You have to work to change your attitude. Because happiness lies in reducing your attachment to things and letting go of the control.
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Zara Mari
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Joined: 13 Jun 2011
Posts: 17
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#3 · Posted: 13 Jun 2011 09:40
Hi Tony.
As I read your post, what I understand is that your new house is causing you so much to think from the moment you moved in. I guess it will be good if you stay somewhere far from where you are now. Not like changing towns, streets can be. I mean it all started when you stayed in your townhouse so I think it's not healthy living there. Whenever I look for apartment or place to stay, I always check the light that passes through the windows because I don't like dark places. It makes me worry too much like what if somebody is standing in one corner of my place, etc. As much as possible, try to find a place that is bright and with lots of greens. Even if you do things that make you happy for a moment, at the end of the day, your house will always be your place to rest so if it's not comfortable staying there, better move out.
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TouSSerts
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Joined: 29 May 2011
Posts: 2
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#4 · Posted: 16 Jun 2011 22:44
dear both,
thanks for the advice. i have been doing a lot of soul searching and i agree that my stress points come entirely from my house. I worry the neighbor downstairs will break into my house when i am at work. I worry that the electrical circuits will blow a fuse while i am away (it has happened before). I even worry that the roof will be blown away when it rains heavily (this happen to another unit nearby). i worry that the ceiling will collapse (it happen to one of the rooms prior to moving in).
This house is riddled with problems and I have solved most of them as and when they happen. But i cant seem to shake away the feeling that something else will happen... and i cant be moving all the time as i don think this will solve anything. As Vishal rightly stated "However, I must tell you that, even if you shift to another house, there is no guarantee that it'll be free of problems. And even if there are no problems, I can guarantee that your mind will try to find problems." I agree and i understand but I do not know how to change the way my mind thinks and it wanders when i am not consciously controlling it.
I understand that i need to change my attitude but it's not something that can be done overnight and i really don't know how or where to start. I am so "conditioned" to worrying and this is really exhausting me out. But whenever i tell myself don't worry and don't think too much. Out of the blue something unexpected and unfavorable happen. Some times i feel that i am making progress when i went for one whole day without worrying, then the next day, something unexpected happen and i fall into the circle of fear and worry again.
it's a vicious cycle that comes whenever it likes. i am trying very consciously to NOT THINK at the first sign of a worrying thought. It's very difficult. It's not like I can delete the bad signals whenever i want. But after reading what Vishal said, it actually gave me a spank to wake-up and be more conscious in dealing with my inner insecurity. Thanks Vishal for the wake-up call.
Maria, thanks for your advice. I will take heed the next time i buy a house. But i think i need to work my way around this one first. I just need to find a way.. and am still looking for one.
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Vishal
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Joined: 15 Apr 2007
Posts: 193
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#5 · Posted: 17 Jun 2011 01:12 · Edited by: Vishal
Hi Tony,
I'm glad I could be of help to you.
TouSSerts: I understand that i need to change my attitude but it's not something that can be done overnight and i really don't know how or where to start. I am so "conditioned" to worrying and this is really exhausting me out. But whenever i tell myself don't worry and don't think too much. Out of the blue something unexpected and unfavorable happen. Some times i feel that i am making progress when i went for one whole day without worrying, then the next day, something unexpected happen and i fall into the circle of fear and worry again.
I can relate to you as even I used to (and sometimes now too) worry just like you for small things, like rusting door hinges, rust on my bike, etc. Yes I agree that things will not change overnight but you need to realize, deep within you, that things are not permanent and they keep changing, including your body. No matter how good you take care of your health, you body is going to age. When you die, you are not going to take anything with you. And let me tell you, at the time of your death, you are really going to be angry with your self for spending your life worrying, than living it.
The only way to get over worrying is to realize the impermanence of this world and your body. And the truth that nothing is within our control. We are just puppets in the hands of creation. You have to contemplate over this. Everything is happening. You are not doing anything. Contemplate over each phase of your life. And try to see how many people were involved in making it happen. Take for instance the milk you get in the morning. From the milking to reaching you, see how many factors were involved. The cow, milk man, the milk van, the packaging, the delivery man. See how nicely everything is working together. Buddhists call this theory of interdependence.
Just let go. What worse is going to happen? Your house will fall down. Then what? Shift to a new house. If your house is destined to fall, it is going to fall, no matter how hard you try. And the negative energy of your worrying can only make it fall sooner that actually delay it.
You have to decide, what is important in your life. The things around you or your inner peace. You are not going to take the things with you when you die.It's only your peace that's going to accompany you.
Here are some books that'll help you change your mindset. If you have an mp3 player, get audiobook versions if you can and listen to them every night before you sleep. It'll work wonders.
Losing Control Finding Serenity: How the Need to Control Hurts Us And How to Let It Go
Peace Is Every Step: The Path of Mindfulness in Everyday Life
Be Free Where You Are
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mulkurnia
Forums Member
Joined: 7 Jul 2011
Posts: 8
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#6 · Posted: 27 Aug 2011 10:39
I think that your current personality is easily prone to stress. From my own experience, do not ignore your problem. It might get worse to the extent that you might develop an anxiety disorder. I have heard about the health benefit of yoga for quite some time, but never got to try it until recently. It was by a chance coincidence that I learn few postures of yoga. Over a short period of 2 wks, my anxiety level drops quite a bit and i find that I can handle my stress level better.
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http://www.stopstressandanxiety.com
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BrianLewis
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Joined: 25 Aug 2011
Posts: 2
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#7 · Posted: 28 Aug 2011 04:13
Hello TouSSerts,
I see that you know the most imortartant causes of your stress. This is the first step to eliminate your stress.
For some time you should write down all stressfull situations during the days. This will make your problem more visible.
Then you can make your own plan how to deal with these situations. Maybe it's possible to ignore some of them. Maybe you can take a little distance for some time. There are many ways to consider.
By working at your plan it's important to learn the art of positive thinking. As you say yourself, this all will not happen overnight, but you will be amazing of the results when you constantly work on your personal plan.
During this process it's important to keep your goal in mind: A Stress Free Life.
These were just some tips that will hopefully help you. Please let me know if you have more questions.
Good Luck,
Brian
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Fretsaw
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Joined: 24 Oct 2011
Posts: 2
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#8 · Posted: 24 Oct 2011 06:45
Hi TouSSerts,
I can relate to this one as I bought a house some years ago that turned out to have big problems too, which are still ongoing. This sort of stuff really can drive you nuts with worry. In the end, I settled it in my mind by saying "well, what's the worst that can happen?" In my case; a major landslide that takes out the front of my yard and my gate. But then so what? I would still have the back entrance to use.
From a practical perspective, concentrate first on your roof. If your roof is sound, then that's your biggest problem fixed. Then just take the issues one at a time. That's what homeowners have to do anyway, good home or bad home. And it actually sounds to me like you already have a grasp of what the construction issues are.
Secondly, your dubious neighbour downstairs. Logically speaking, the last thing that person would want to do is break into your place. Why? Because who are you going to tell the cops to check out first as your prime suspect? If he is up to something illegal downstairs, that sort of heat is the last thing he wants. And on the plus side, if he's always at home, that means you've got an ugly customer on duty downstairs watching the house while you're at work - right? Consider him a free security service. He is hardly going to let your place get burgled even if he isn't an honest guy.
Fretsaw
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